Life continues at its usual intensity.. my ‘one hell of a year’ is surely coming to a close soon (actually my one hell of 2 years)! I finished my maternity cover contract the week before last and am now officially unemployed. I think gratefully so however, it has given me the chance to focus on getting another job properly, go for interviews as well as complete the last assignment for my college course. Exams are next week so I have the next week to cram for them! At least all my interviews are done now – I’ve attended 4 in 3 days! So tomorrow is decision day – either I get the permanent job at another hotel that I really want or if not I accept a contract job in London with an ex-colleague (well actually the original man that screwed me up although that’s long dead and buried!) It’s lots of money but isn’t doing what I want to do and will entail a 2 hr travel every day on the train – it will be a slog but for 6 months I figured I can handle it. At least it will repair the divorce damaged coffers!
On the man front.. well same old, same old! After breaking up with Simon about a month ago, we still had tickets to a show and he wanted to go. I was so well behaved – I was very proud of myself, but his wandering hands put paid to my will-power. It’s like nothing has changed, he treats me exactly the same as when we were together and yet I know he doesn’t really properly care about me. He ended up staying the night. I can’t complain really – it was a great night but I guess ultimately it demeans me – of course I haven’t heard from his since. So now the choice is, do I allow the friends with benefits thing ride knowing that its just great sex. Or do I ignore his next call or text – assuming there is one. There may not be, on reflection I think he wont be that happy with what happened – even though it was he who pushed for it – I was just shit at resisting (what’s new!)… its much harder when there’s no real reason not to be with the person – no partner, no wife, no kids… and you are being told how attractive and intoxicating you are – these are nice things to hear!
I was reading snippets from relationship books on Amazon last night – which suggest that I’ve got it all wrong on the relationship front – sleeping with men too early, them not having to chase (goes against nature apparently!), and being too accomodating – basically too nice and agreeable. Crazy world – who wants to be a bitch! I miss him though – I miss ‘us’ – I found him very calming and comforting to be with – ironically I felt safe with him, and actually still do – he gives the most fantastic hugs – but lets face it I have less than the finest judgement when it comes to relationships!
So with the urge to call him or text him tonight hovering, I figured it was blog time. With all the great friends I have there’s no reason to feel that gap – but of course I do. C’est la vie.
Tomorrow is a new day – and I’ve no idea which way the cookie will crumble.